Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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