I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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