I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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