U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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