This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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