you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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