i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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