I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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