and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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