I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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