No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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