I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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