I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize