What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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