Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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