i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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