Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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