drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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