matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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