I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize