I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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