God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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