i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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