based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize