I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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