Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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