Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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