I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My ass is underappreciated
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize