you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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