I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize