i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize