sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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