I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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