everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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