What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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