I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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