I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize