drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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