fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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