I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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