Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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