Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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