i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize