I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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