sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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