Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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