did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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