she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just forgot I was standing up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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