I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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