I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize